AlamoPA Mailing List: Fwd: Laws

[M.J. Trebenskie (skie999]

Subject: Laws 

 

 

Laws of the Land

 

1. Law of Centrifugal Malfeasance –

The likelihood that a wrench will slip and mar the surface is

            directly proportional to the newness of the surface.

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - 
 After your hands become coated with grease, 
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to 
pee.  

 2. Law of Gravity -  
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, 
will roll to the least accessible place in the 
universe.

3. Law of Probability -  
The probability of being watched is directly 
proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - 
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a 
busy signal; someone always answers.

5. Variation Law -  
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one 
you were in will always move faster than the 
one you are in now.

6. Law of the Bath - 
When the body is fully immersed in water, 
the telephone will ring.

7. Law of Close Encounters -  
The probability of meeting someone you know 
INCREASES dramatically when you are
  dressed totally inappropriately or you are with
someone you don't want to be seen with.

 8. Law of the Result -  
When you try to prove to someone that 
a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

9. Law of Biomechanics -  
The severity of the itch is inversely 
proportional to the reach.

10. Law of the Theater & Football Stadium - 
At any event, the people whose seats are 
farthest from the aisle, always arrive last. 
They are the ones who will leave their seats 
several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet 
and who leave early before the end of the 
performance or the game is over. The folks 
in the aisle seats come early, never move 
once, have long gangly legs or big bellies 
and stay to the bitter end of the performance. 
The aisle people also are very surly folk.

11. The Coffee Law - 
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, 
your boss will ask you to do something which 
will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Murphy's Law of Lockers - 
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, 
they will have adjacent lockers.

13. Law of Physical Surfaces - 
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich 
landing face down on a floor are directly 
correlated to the newness and cost of the 
carpet or rug.

14. Law of Logical Argument -  
Anything is possible IF you don't know 
what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance -  
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16. The 50-50-90 Law 
Whenever there's a 50-50 chance of getting something right, 
there's a 90% probability that you'll get it wrong.

17. Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy -  
As soon as you find a product that you really 
like, they will stop making it OR the store will 
stop selling it!

18. Doctors' Law -  
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go 
to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel 
better. But don't make an appointment and you'll 
stay sick.
  
If you don't forward this to your friends, 
your belly button will unscrew - and your bum will fall off.

Really... It's true. I read it on the Internet😉

 

 

 

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