Lexophiles "Lexophile"
describes one who has a love for words, such as "you can
tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "To write with
a broken pencil is pointless." An annual competition is
held by the New York Times to see who can create the best
original play on words. Here are some of the best ones.
No
matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be
stationery.
If
you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
I’m
reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it
down.
I
didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did
you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job
because she couldn’t control her pupils?
When
you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
When
chemists die, they barium.
I
stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it
dawned on me.
I
changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
England
has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
Haunted
French pancakes give me the crepes.
This
girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians
Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore
I
know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he
says he can stop any time.
A
thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When
the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
I
got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
A
dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and
nail.
A
will is a dead giveaway.
With
her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Police
were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old
was resisting a rest.
Did
you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut
off? He's all right now.
A
bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
The
guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now
fully recovered.
He
had a photographic memory but it was never fully
developed.
When
she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd
dye.
Acupuncture
is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
Those
who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in
the end
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