Drafting
Guys Over 70.
I
am over 70 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too
old to track down terrorists. You can't be
older than 42 to join the military. They've got
the whole thing ass-backwards.
Instead
of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought
to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to
join a military unit until you're at least 55.
For
starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think
about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think
about sex a couple of times a month, leaving us
more than 280,000 additional seconds per day to
concentrate on the enemy.
Young
guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and
a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My
back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and
hungry.' We are bad-tempered and impatient, and
maybe letting us kill some asshole that
desperately deserves it will make us feel better
and shut us up for a while.
An
18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before
10 am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so
what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired
and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may
as well be up killing some fanatical
son-of-a-bitch.
If
captured, we couldn't spill the beans because
we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name,
rank, and serial number would be a real
brainteaser.
Boot
camp would be easier for old guys. We're used
to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used
to soft food. We've also developed an
appreciation for guns. We've been using them
for years as an excuse to get out of the house,
away from the screaming and yelling.
They
could lighten up on the obstacle course
however. I've been in combat and never saw a
single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the
side, nor did I ever do any pushups after
completing basic training.
Actually,
the running part is kind of a waste of energy,
too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An
18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.
He's still learning to shave, to start a
conversation with a pretty girl. He still
hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a
brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his
head.
These
are all great reasons to keep our kids at home
to learn a little more about life before sending
them off into harm's way.
Let
us old guys track down those terrorists. The
last thing an enemy would want to see is a
couple million pissed off old farts with bad
attitudes and automatic weapons who know that
their best years are already behind them.
HEY!!
How about recruiting Women over 50... in
menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put
them on border patrol. They'll have it secured
the first night!
Send
this to all of your senior friends... it's in
big type so they can read it.
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