The
'Middle Wife'
by an
Anonymous 2nd
grade teacher
I've been
teaching now
for about
fifteen years.
I have two
kids myself,
but the best
birth story I
know is the
one I saw in
my own second
grade
classroom a
few years
back.
When I was a
kid, I loved
show-and-tell.
So I always
have a few
sessions with
my students.
It helps them
get over
shyness and
usually,
show-and-tell
is pretty
tame. Kids
bring in pet
turtles, model
airplanes,
pictures of
fish they
catch, stuff
like that. And
I never, ever
place any
boundaries or
limitations on
them. If they
want to lug it
in to school
and talk about
it, they're
welcome.
Well, one day
this little
girl, Erica, a
very bright,
very outgoing
kid, takes her
turn and
waddles up to
the front of
the class with
a pillow
stuffed under
her sweater.
She holds up a
snapshot of an
infant. 'This
is Luke, my
baby brother,
and I'm going
to tell you
about his
birthday.'
'First, Mom
and Dad made
him as a
symbol of
their love,
and then Dad
put a seed in
my Mom's
stomach, and
Luke grew in
there. He ate
for nine
months through
an umbrella
cord.'
She's standing
there with her
hands on the
pillow, and
I'm trying not
to laugh and
wishing I had
my camcorder
with me. The
kids are
watching her
in amazement.
'Then, about
two Saturdays
ago, my Mom
starts going,
'Oh, Oh, Oh,
Oh!' Erica
puts a hand
behind her
back and
groans. 'She
walked around
the house for,
like an hour,
'Oh, oh, oh!'
(Now this kid
is doing a
hysterical
duck walk and
groaning.)
'My Dad called
the middle
wife. She
delivers
babies, but
she doesn't
have a sign on
the car like
the Domino's
man. They got
my Mom to lie
down in bed
like this.'
(Then Erica
lies down with
her back
against the
wall.)
'And then,
pop! My Mom
had this bag
of water she
kept in there
in case he got
thirsty, and
it just blew
up and spilled
all over the
bed, like
psshhheew!'
(This kid has
her legs
spread with
her little
hands miming
water flowing
away. It was
too much!)
'Then the
middle wife
starts saying
'push, push,'
and 'breathe,
breathe.” They
started
counting, but
never even got
past ten.
Then, all of a
sudden, out
comes my
brother. He
was covered in
yucky stuff
that they all
said it was
from Mom's
play-center,
so there must
be a lot of
toys inside
there. When he
got out, the
middle wife
spanked him
for crawling
up in there in
the first
place.'
Then Erica
stood up, took
a big
theatrical bow
and returned
to her seat.
I'm sure I
applauded the
loudest. Ever
since then,
when it's
Show-and-tell
day, I bring
my camcorder,
just in case
another
'Middle Wife'
comes along.
Now you
have two
choices...laugh
and close this
page or pass
this along to
someone else
to spread the
laughs. I know
what I did!!!
Live every day
as if it is
your LAST
chance to make
someone happy!
fly-web.us)