AlamoPA Mailing List: Fw: Lovemaking Tips for Seniors

[Sallie Carlson (wacsc11945]

----- Forwarded Message -----
From: "fritzie4 [at] cox.net" <fritzie4 [at] cox.net>
To: dmonkeywoman [at] cox.net; william carlson <wacsc11945 [at] yahoo.com>
Sent: Saturday, April 30, 2016 3:31 PM
Subject: Fw: Lovemaking Tips for Seniors

 

 

Subject: Lovemaking Tips for Seniors

 

 

Lovemaking Tips for Seniors

 

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

 

2. Set timer for 3 minutes in case you doze off in the middle.

 

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

 

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial  before you begin.

 

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

 

6. Use extra Polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

 

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

 

8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbors are deaf, too.

 

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

 

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

'OLD' IS WHEN

Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

 

'OLD' IS WHEN

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN

Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN

'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN

'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN

An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

 

'OLD' IS WHEN

Your spouse offers you super sex, and you reply, "I'll have the soup."

 

'OLD' IS WHEN

You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.

 

(I sent this in large type so you can read it.)