AlamoPA Mailing List: Sage Marital Advice

[Bob Heiser (w7ikt]

The young woman who submitted the tech support message below
(about her relationship to her husband) presumably did it as
a joke.  Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep
to herself.  The tech support love advice was hilarious and genius!
 

The query:
 
 
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance,
particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.  In addition,
Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then
installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1.
 
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system.  Please note that I have tried
running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
 
The response weeks later and unexpected.
 
Warning: The following support is only a guideline to be
used sparingly.
 
 
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment
Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.  Please
enter command: I thought you loved me.html and try to
download Tears 6.2.  Do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0
update.  If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0
should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0
and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy
Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.  Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very
bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring
Loudly Beta version.  Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any
circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 as it runs a virus
in the background that will eventually seize control of all
your system resources.
 
In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the
Boyfriend 5.0 program.  These are unsupported applications
and will crash Husband 1.0.  In summary, Husband 1.0 is a
great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot
learn new applications quickly.  You might consider buying
additional software to improve memory and performance.  We
recommend Cooking 3.0.