LAKE-FAKE-A-HACHEE
FLORIDA
A
few years ago,
my wife and I
moved into a
retirement
development on
Florida 's
southeast
coast. We are
living in the
"Delray/
Boca/Boynton
Golf, Spa,
Bath and
Tennis Club on
Lake
Fake-a-Hachee".
There are
3,000 lakes in
Florida;
only three are
real.
Our
biggest
retirement
concern was
time
management.
What were we
going to do
all
day? No
longer. Let me
assure you,
passing the
time is not a
problem.
Our
days are eaten
up by simple,
daily
activities.
Just getting
out of our car
takes 15
minutes.
Trying to find
where we
parked takes
20 minutes. It
takes a
half-hour in
the check-out
line in
Wal-Mart, and
1 hour to
return the
item the
next day.
Let
me take you
through a
typical day:
We get up at
5:00 am, have
a quick
breakfast
and join the
early morning
Walk-and-Fart
Club. There
are about 30
of us, and
rain or shine,
we walk around
the streets,
all talking at
once. Every
development
has some late
risers who
stay in bed
until 6:00 am.
After a nimble
walk, avoiding
irate drivers
out to make us
road kill, we
go back home,
shower
and change for
the next
activity.
My
wife goes
directly to
the pool for
her underwater
Pilates class,
followed by
gasping for
breath and
CPR. I put on
my 'Ask me
about my
Grandchildren'
T-shirt, my
plaid mid-calf
shorts, my
white socks
and sandals
and go to the
clubhouse
lobby for a
nice nap.
Before we know
it, it's time
for lunch.
We
go to Costco
to partake of
the many tasty
samples
dispensed by
ladies in
white
hair nets. All
free! After a
filling lunch,
if we don't
have any
doctor
appointments,
we might go to
the flea
market to see
if any new
white belts
have
come in or to
buy a Rolex
watch for
$2.00.
We're
usually back
home by 2:00
pm to get
ready for
dinner. People
start lining
up
for the early
bird about
3:00 pm, but
we get there
by 3:45
because we're
late
eaters.
The
dinners are
very popular
because of the
large portions
they serve. We
can take
home enough
food for the
next day's
lunch and
dinner,
including
extra bread,
crackers,
packets of
mustard,
relish,
ketchup and
Splenda, along
with mints.
At
5:30 pm we're
home, ready to
watch the 6
o'clock news.
By 6:30 pm
we're fast
asleep. Then
we get up and
make five or
six trips to
the bathroom
during the
night, and
it's time to
get up and
start a new
day all over
again.
Doctor-related
activities
eat up most of
our retirement
time. I enjoy
reading old
magazines in
sub-zero
temperatures
in the waiting
room, so I
don't mind.
Calling
for test
results also
helps the days
fly by. It
takes at least
a half-hour
just
getting
through the
doctor's phone
menu. Then
there's the
hold time
until we're
connected to
the right
party.
Sometimes they
forget we're
holding, and
the
whole office
goes off to
lunch.
Should
we find we
still have
time on our
hands,
volunteering
provides a
rewarding
opportunity to
help the less
fortunate.
Florida has the
largest
concentration
of seniors
under five
feet and they
need our help.
I myself am a
volunteer for
'The
Vertically
Challenged
Over 80.' I
coach their
basketball
team, The
Arthritic
Avengers. The
hoop is only
4-1/2 feet
from the
floor. You
should see the
look of
confidence
on their faces
when they make
a slam dunk.
Food
shopping is a
problem for
short seniors,
or 'bottom
feeders' as we
call them,
because they
can't reach
the items on
the upper
shelves. There
are many foods
they've never
tasted. After
shopping, most
seniors can't
remember where
they
parked their
cars and
wander the
parking lot
for hours
while their
food
defrosts.
Lastly,
it's important
to choose a
development
with an
impressive
name. Italian
names
are very
popular in
Florida
. They convey
world
travelers,
uppity
sophistication
and wealth.
Where would
you rather
live: Murray's
Condos or the
Lakes of
Venice ?
There's no
difference --
they're both
owned by
Murray, who
happens to be
as cheap as
they come. I
hope this
material has
been of help
to you future
retirees. If I
can be of any
further
assistance,
please look me
up when you're
in Florida
. I live in
the Leaning
Condos of Pisa
in Palm Coast
.
MEANING OF
LIFE IN 13
WORDS –
INSIDE EVERY
OLDER PERSON
IS A YOUNGER
PERSON
WONDERING WHAT
THE HELL
HAPPENED!
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