A
letter to the U.S.
Secretary of Agriculture
from Jimmy Henry of
Broken Arrow, OK
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear
Sir:
My friends, Wayne and
Janelle over at
Wichita Falls,
received a check the
other day for $1,000
from the government
for not raising hogs.
So, I want to go into
the not raising hogs
business.
I
need to know your
opinion on what is the
best breed of hogs not
to raise. I want to
be sure that I
approach this venture
in keeping with all
government
guidelines. I would
prefer not to raise
Razorbacks, but if
that is not a good
breed to not raise,
then I can just as
easily not raise
Yorkshires or Durocs.
As
I see it, the hardest
part of this program
will be keeping an
accurate inventory of
how many hogs I am not
raising. My friend
Wayne is excited about
the future of this
business. He has been
raising hogs for 20
years and the most he
ever made was $422 in
1988, until this year
when he got your check
for $1000 for not
raising hogs.
If
I get $1,000 for not
raising 50 hogs, will
I get $2,000 for not
raising 100? I plan
to operate on a small
scale at first,
holding myself down to
about 4,000 which will
give me $80,000 income
the first year. Then
I can afford to buy an
airplane.
Another
thing, these hogs I’m
not raising will not
eat 100,000 bushels of
corn. I understand
that you also pay
farmers for not
raising corn and
wheat. Will I qualify
for payments for not
raising wheat and corn
not to feed the 4,000
hogs I am not going to
raise?
I
want to get started
not feeding as soon as
possible as this seems
to be a good time a
year to not to raise
hogs and grain. I’m
also considering the
not-milking-cows
business so please
send me any
information you might
have on that.
I
assume that the
government will
consider me to be
unemployed from all
this non-production,
so I plan to file for
unemployment and food
stamps.
I
eagerly await your
reply,
Jimmy Henry
Henry Farms
Broken Arrow, OK
fly-web.us)